One of the greatest disservices you can do to yourself and your team is to not be honest with yourself about how others perceive you. I know how frightening it can be to put yourself out there and ask for straight, unfiltered feedback. Top performers are relentless about obtaining feedback.
I ask every client and team member to give me feedback on a regular basis. It still scares me a bit but I know not staying tuned in could have far more damaging consequences – like not having clients or teammates!
I know in my family business when I started getting feedback from others, it took the focus away from me just trying to win my family’s acceptance as a leader and challenged me to learn how to be effective with broader audiences.
In our Get Real by Getting Feedback deliberate practice we give you step by step instructions to getting feedback from others and most importantly doing something with it. Don’t ask for feedback and not be prepared to act upon it!
If you would like to get real and build some new muscle then I encourage you to get access to all of our deliberate practices here.
Posted by Coach Pete
Thursday, March 7th, 2013
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Lack of trust, or mistrust, is a silent killer on most teams and in most family businesses. The problem is, as trust erodes, people don’t talk about it. People start withholding information, energy and communication. Before you know it, relationships go from being flexible and fluid to brittle and broken.
High performing teams must learn how to call out the “elephant in the room” – a lack of trust. Unfortunately trust can be a complicated subject. In our Family Business Playbook™ we have a simple drill that allows teams to further explore trust based upon three key elements of trust; reliability, competency and character.
If you think your team is ready for the Measuring Trust drill, go here and get full access to this drill and our Family Business Playbook™.
Sometimes I feel like Indiana Jones when I’m coaching and navigating my way through family business dynamics. There are hidden obstacles and traps around every corner!
I’ve been looking for the treasure map, the one diagram that would spell it all out – show us the way, keep us on track. Of course there isn’t such a thing, but it hasn’t stopped me from looking!
One of the things that I came across in my travels was UCLA basketball Coach John Wooden’s Pyramid of Success. I was drawn to Coach Wooden for a number of reasons; the simplicity of his message, the focus on effort and accountability rather than trophies, and his genuine and humble approach. If you want to get the essence of John Wooden you can watch this short Ted talk.
In 2010, I decided to follow his lead and create my own version of the Pyramid of Success – this time for family businesses. What I like about the pyramid is that the lower blocks build the foundation for reaching the higher blocks.
Over course of this year I’ll be writing in detail my thoughts about each of the blocks in the Family Business Pyramid of Success™.
I want to highlight one of Coach Wooden’s core principles because it is a core principle of my business coaching. Wooden cited an idea from philosopher Cervantes that stuck with him. “Cervantes said, ‘the journey is better than the end.’ ” Wooden said that when you get to the final destination it can be a bit of a letdown. He said that in working with his basketball players he felt that the practices were the journey and the game was the end. The journey was the best part.
It’s the same when I look at the family business experience. In my working for 16 years with my family business there were tremendous challenges, frustrations, excitement and disappointment. When the business was sold, I began to realize that working at Walsh Bros. had taught me so many things about life and who I was as a leader, a businessperson and a human being.
A family business provides unbelievable opportunity to find out who you are and who you want to become. The family business is a broader expression of who you are as a family. Don’t be overwhelmed when you become frustrated and disappointed – see those challenges as an opportunity to be in the journey. The journey is the best part.
Thank you for being here, and practicing to reach your potential. I hope you’ll read these posts and apply yourself to the Family Business Pyramid of Success™. Please give me feedback about this process and let me know any other way I can be a better coach for you.
I have been working with family businesses for over 15 years and spent 50 years living in close proximity to my family business, Walsh Bros. Office Equipment.
I’ve developed the Family Business Deliberate Practices™ which have real world, specific exercises that I guarantee will give you and your family the tools to become more effective, have higher levels of business performance and personal satisfaction.
To sum up my vision for the Peak Workout Family Business Performance Center™ , it is about helping family businesses find peace, purpose and prosperity via practice!
Here’s what you need to do to get access to the practices. I’m asking you to commit to the following:
Be committed to working hard on making your family business and your individual performance stronger
Don’t give up, be resilient and optimistic about the outcome
Be courageous with yourself and others
Give me feedback on what’s working (from the practices) and coach me with new ideas for helping your family and others in the community
Okay are you ready to go? Please complete the form below so I can begin sending you my Deliberate practices. I promise you that I won’t be sharing your information with anyone.
Thanks for joining the team! Let’s play to your potential!
Coach Pete
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Posted by Coach Pete
Tuesday, January 15th, 2013
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Here is a great article about all things family business. References to fights of biblical proportion, to finding ways to being a business first family. I thought the best quote came from West Mathison who said “Stemilt has progressed, Mathison said, from days when his father and grandfather “screamed at each other” when meetings grew hot to personality profiles and 360-degree reviews by one’s boss, self, peers and subordinates as tools of improved communication.”
It’s amazing how a little outside feedback can bring some calm and objectivity to the situation. A 360 degree feedback process can be quite simple and help family members see themselves as other (non family members) see them. It’s pretty much impossible to be objective with your family members.
I recently worked with a father to do a 360 process for his 3 sons. It included feedback from not only employees in the business but outside stakeholders like key customers and vendors of the business. The feedback provided great information that helped us create specific leadership development plans for each of the siblings. It was so much more valuable coming from sources other than Dad. Consider the 360 feedback process as a possible gift to give to your kids next year!
Be sure to send this to anyone whom you think could benefit from this. If you would like to receive our free videos via email, please sign up here.
Posted by Coach Pete
Friday, December 14th, 2012
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Here we go, it’s the holiday season and we get to go out and buy a whole bunch of gifts for people who we don’t really want to spend money on and we don’t know what to give them anyway. It’s actually a pretty stressful time of year. I have some holiday ideas for you that I think are going to be helpful. Try this – Why don’t you give them the gift of listening to them without judgment? Or how about just accepting them for who they are, accepting them with all of their flaws and humanness? Accepting you for all your flaws and when you’ve come up short? Or how about forgiving people for things that have gone on in the past, that maybe it is time to get over? Don’t let this holiday season be stressful for you, really focus on some of these more thoughtful, meaningful gifts that will make such a difference for you and your family.
A bonus…can you send me any ideas for what I should give Karen? We have been together for like 25 years and I am kind of running out of ideas.
Forward this onto anyone you know will benefit. Give me feedback. Tell me other things you would like to see in the videos and let’s go into 2013 and have a really successful year. Get back in the game and play to your potential!
Be sure to send this to anyone whom you think could benefit from this. If you would like to receive our free videos via email, please sign up here.
Posted by Coach Pete
Thursday, December 13th, 2012
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I have 3 sons and a daughter all working in the business. They’re all doing a good job and I know how lucky I am to have them all here. I am also getting more nervous about facing the reality of having to name one of them as my successor. My wife and I fear that decision could cause a major divide amongst the broader family. They all have spouses and I can see their spouses getting their heart set on their spouse being the next president.
What a great question Ron! As you noted you are so lucky to have them there. I also get at the same time that you don’t want this succession discussion to blow up the whole thing up. Ok, I have your one stop, easy solution: Sit them all down in the room and tell them that you love them all so much that you couldn’t possibly choose one over the other, then bring in your new high powered CEO you just hired from outside that they now work for. You’re done! Problem solved!
Ok, I realize that might not be the right answer. I can really feel your pain having my own children and really faced with idea of picking one over the other would be so difficult even though they have lobbied for that a couple of times. You know you don’t say specifically Ron, but I’m assuming you have a little bit of time between now and when you need to make the decision. This process can be done right if you take some time. We just finished a 5 year process with a family. We named the next president and everyone’s still happy because they really understood how it was all going to happen and when it was all going to happen.
One of the first guiding principles I ask all of my families to sign off on is, let’s get good at making business decisions, because as one of my colleagues says is, the business is what throws theparty. It’s what provides our financial abundance and security. So first and foremost we need to get good at making business decisions, not just family decisions. Next, sit everyone down in the room and take them through the process step by step with a timeframe. What I found is the biggest concern that both candidates and their spouses have is that it’s not going be a fair process. But when you have transparency with everybody in the room and you outline the process, that’s going to really set you up for a successful outcome. I have steps outlined here that you can download and these are proven and they have worked time and time again with families. When you get in this process, the best candidates will emerge over time but here’s another important thing, really involve some outside advisor because they can bring a different perspective and they can say things to your kids that you cannot say to them. Be careful, don’t pick your attorney buddy you have known forever; who’s known the family forever. Get a business coach. Get someone who has expertise in leadership. It will really make a big difference in the process.
Ron, keep reinforcing the good idea of your good business decision, be transparent with the process and have update meetings annually or semi-annually and I think you will have good outcomes. Here’s my challenge to you: Pick a date for the first meeting and if you send it to me, I will hold you accountable from afar, but if you send me that date I will send you a list of leadership competencies we’ve developed with many great companies over the years that will really help the process get started.
As always, email this on to anyone you know who could benefit from this. Send us your successes, your challenges, your other questions – we share them here with all the families and that’s how all the families get better and learn from each other. Remember a great family business has a lot of important positions to fill. As Jim Collins says in Good to Great, “You need to get the right people in the right seat on the bus.” Now get back in the game and play to your potential.
Be sure to send this to anyone whom you think could benefit from this. If you would like to receive our free videos via email, please sign up here.
Posted by Coach Pete
Tuesday, December 11th, 2012
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Hi, it’s Coach Pete and it’s almost Thanksgiving time. It’s one of my most enjoyable times of the year. Families get together at the dinner table and really reflect on the things they have to be thankful for, enjoy each other, and enjoy a great meal together. It’s really my most favorite holiday. But I have to be honest with you, for all of you who have successful family businesses, you don’t seem as happy and as grateful as I think you could be. In fact in a lot of families spend so much time focusing on what is not working, they don’t spend enough time on what is working. You know building an attitude of gratitude is like a muscle. Like anything else, you can practice it. The brain scientists have proven to us now that when you’re in a mindset of gratitude, you have more access to the creative part of your brain and when you have more access to that part of your brain; you’ll solve problems, you’ll get along better, you’ll create greater solutions for your business, so here’s what I’d like you to do.
I’ve got a few things that you can start practicing being grateful for: How about just having a family? Having a family business? Having a mother and father? Or siblings? I lost 2 of my siblings by the time I was 30. I’d love to have them back and if I was angry with them in a family business, I would get the heck out of the family business.
So here’s my challenge to you: Take on a practice of gratitude. Come up with a daily gratitude journal – you could write a letter to your founders or talk to them. I do that. I like to speak to the original Walsh Brothers and I say, “Hey thanks a lot for giving me this opportunity. Thanks very much for creating this business.” And you know what? The other thing you could do is – maybe it’s time to say thank you for everything you got in this family business and move on. Go start something for yourself. Don’t stand and be unhappy. The bottom line is a mindset of gratitude is a choice you make and it’s a muscle you can build and I need you to start working on it right now. Don’t ruin or waste this holiday season by having a bad attitude! Start some practices to get that grateful mindset.
I’ll be grateful if you send me some feedback about this video, comments on how it’s going or future things you’d like to see us discuss here in the community. Get back in the game and play to your potential!
Be sure to send this to anyone whom you think could benefit from this. If you would like to receive our free videos via email, please sign up here.
Posted by Coach Pete
Monday, November 19th, 2012
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Today’s letter is from Jeff in Seattle. Jeff writes:
Dear Coach Pete,
My brother and I have been working together for 7 years and I am not sure I can take it much longer. I see several opportunities for us to grow our business but my brother says we are fine just the way we are. I’m optimistic and aggressive and he is conservative and content. I see huge personal opportunities slipping away since I am stuck with him as a partner. What should I do?
Great question Jeff. I see this play out with so many of the families I work with. In fact it was one of the biggest contributors to why I left my family business after 16 years. The underlying issue is what we call in coaching as style differences. As I look back now on our situation and I think about it, here’s a concept, get this. If we had learned to appreciate each other’s styles, we would have been an even stronger team, but unfortunately people get stuck in resentment and frustration which leads to real issues in the business.
A successful family knows that you actually need a healthy amount of tension between the different styles. It’s what one of my clients describe is how they get the most juice out of the orange. The first thing you need to do is to learn to identify and name the different styles between you and your brother. I use a very simple and inexpensive questionnaire from a colleague of mine, Laurie Beth Jones. She has identified 4 basic styles: Earth, Wind, Water and Fire.
I am telling you, it will be some of the best money you have spent this year. Sit down and map out your communication do’s and don’ts. Really figure out what really works for you when others communicate with you a certain way and what really drives you nuts. Now here’s the most important part, really start practicing having some self awareness you knucklehead! Really start to see your style and other people’s style and action and try to identify their style and see if you can modify your approach to speak in their language. Trust me it will make a big difference getting things done the way you’d like to get them done and then after you do that, go out and go to your brother; tell him what you have been up to and ask him to participate in this exercise.
Listen to me, you really do need these different styles and as soon as you can begin to genuinely appreciate each other’s style you’ll have better decisions, better results, and better satisfaction in the work you are doing.
As always send this onto to others who you think could benefit and send us your successes and challenges with this drill or your other questions you would like to see us handle. It’s how we help all of the families in this community. We all learn from each other.
Here’s a bonus for you: Send me your test results, I’ll compare them to all the other people I’ve been working with and really tell you how screwed up you are.
Now, get back into the game and play to your potential!
Posted by Coach Pete
Tuesday, November 6th, 2012
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It’s amazing the physical energy we take up on our families. In or out of a family business – our family members can frustrate us like nobody else can!
Why is that?
These should be the people we love and enjoy the most. We are usually cut from the same cloth, have similar upbringings and life experiences, yet they drive us nuts! Add the challenges of the family business and it’s like a perfect storm.
Imagine what it would be like if you could really enjoy working in the family business? Why isn’t that the case more often?
We let ourselves get on the emotional roller coaster of what “should” be or “could” be. We get trapped in resentments of things that happened in the past. We tolerate people’s rudeness or poor behavior. We get caught in the cross fire of the disillusioned spouse who is angrily at home mad enough for the both of you.
All of this can stop. How you ask?
Practicing a few simple mental skills. The brain scientists have proven how we build new neural pathways — new brain patterns. New ways of thinking. Here’s a few practices I have worked with for years:
• Decide to either shut up or leave – stop your whining and complaining. If it’s that bad – take the courageous step of leaving and doing something else. I did after 16 years in our business. After being away for awhile and out in corporate America I realized the same problems existed, only now I wasn’t an owner. I had less ability to impact the culture.
• Be grateful – yeah it’s not perfect, yeah some of you have difficult parents or siblings. But you have a job. Think about the 20 million people who don’t. Shift your perspective.
• Be patient – your time will come. It might be soon or might be a while. Being angry is only going to make the waiting more painful
• Learn to communicate powerfully – Learn the skills of powerful communication and make things happen! Request a new role, ask for a performance review. Be a leader and make a better life for yourself in the business. Show what you are made of —don’t be a victim, be an owner
• Enjoy the journey –life’s short, get a hobby and stop ruminating about your family. You think you have it bad. I can tell you stories that will make your hair curl.
Try one of these for 30 days and tell me if it helped! Get back in the game!
Coach
Posted by Coach Pete
Tuesday, September 11th, 2012
Comments Off on From Suffering to Celebrating in Your Family Business
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