Posts Tagged ‘family business coaching’

From Suffering to Celebrating in Your Family Business

It’s amazing the physical energy we take up on our families. In or out of a family business – our family members can frustrate us like nobody else can!

Why is that?

These should be the people we love and enjoy the most. We are usually cut from the same cloth, have similar upbringings and life experiences, yet they drive us nuts! Add the challenges of the family business and it’s like a perfect storm.

Imagine what it would be like if you could really enjoy working in the family business? Why isn’t that the case more often?

We let ourselves get on the emotional roller coaster of what “should” be or “could” be. We get trapped in resentments of things that happened in the past. We tolerate people’s rudeness or poor behavior. We get caught in the cross fire of the disillusioned spouse who is angrily at home mad enough for the both of you.

All of this can stop. How you ask?

Practicing a few simple mental skills. The brain scientists have proven how we build new neural pathways — new brain patterns. New ways of thinking. Here’s a few practices I have worked with for years:

• Decide to either shut up or leave – stop your whining and complaining. If it’s that bad – take the courageous step of leaving and doing something else. I did after 16 years in our business. After being away for awhile and out in corporate America I realized the same problems existed, only now I wasn’t an owner. I had less ability to impact the culture.

• Be grateful – yeah it’s not perfect, yeah some of you have difficult parents or siblings. But you have a job. Think about the 20 million people who don’t. Shift your perspective.

• Be patient – your time will come. It might be soon or might be a while. Being angry is only going to make the waiting more painful

• Learn to communicate powerfully – Learn the skills of powerful communication and make things happen! Request a new role, ask for a performance review. Be a leader and make a better life for yourself in the business. Show what you are made of —don’t be a victim, be an owner

• Enjoy the journey –life’s short, get a hobby and stop ruminating about your family. You think you have it bad. I can tell you stories that will make your hair curl.

Try one of these for 30 days and tell me if it helped! Get back in the game!

Coach

Create camaraderie in your family business

Don’t under estimate the power of friendship and fellowship in the family business. When I asked a family group what they wanted, Jeff, one of the brothers, said, “Camaraderie.” It turned out to be an important idea. At the time the sibling group was not really enjoying each other’s company. They were stuck in a strained relationship haggling over roles and responsibilities in the family business.

After Jeff’s suggestion the group committed to a series of camping trips and adventures together. It’s amazing how all of the tension can melt away around a nice campfire or ATV ride. After each trip the group began to laugh a bit more, relate to each as brothers and friends, and eventually that energy found its way into our business meetings at work. They began to collaborate and work together to solve their common business problems.

Now creating camaraderie is a ongoing practice. They each take responsibility for designing and hosting a quarterly adventure. Like everything, it takes a strong intention and commitment to keep up the practice.

Equal pay in a family business?

Nothing creates heartburn and heartache quicker than realizing you’re working 50 percent harder and producing more results, yet getting paid the same as the family member next to you!  One of the common problems I see in family businesses is equal pay or unfair pay.  I get it.  It’s easy to see why moms and dads fall back on the safe route of paying their children equally in the family business.  It’s a short-term fix but it will cause long-term problems.  Great family businesses design compensation systems that reward performance and results. Giving equal compensation to people who have different levels of responsibilities, producing different levels of results will build serious tension, dissatisfaction and ultimately cause long-term strife.

Here’s a short video that highlights a simple five-step process to getting away from the equal pay dilemma.  I realize getting away from this equal pay problem seems insurmountable, but trust me it can be done and it needs to be done for the long-term health of your family business!

Should I Join the Family Business?

The decision of whether or not to join your family business could be one of the biggest decisions of your life!

The problem is, so often, people either get caught up in the emotions of it all, or they don’t take enough time to thoroughly think about all of the possibilities and ramifications of this kind of decision. 

I’ve put together a short set of questions you should ask yourself and ask your family before you take the plunge into your family business.  What happens so often is that you join the family business either in haste or without taking the long term view, and the next thing you know you look up and you have serious reservations, heartburn, or worse yet you feel like you squandered away so much of your life.  Take a few minutes and watch this video and send it on to anyone you know who’s contemplating entering the family business.

Stop Competing! (Against Your Siblings)

One of the most counterproductive behaviors I see in family businesses is siblings still trying to compete with each other as adults in the business. They are trying to resolve the challenges they had as little kids in the station wagon on family vacations. Little brother is trying to prove he’s smarter and faster than big brother. Little sister is trying to prove she is as tough as the boys. It’s hilarious! Most of us played sports and board games as children and got the competition mindset at an early age.

We when become adults in the family business the competition can be destructive. The focus and effort should be on beating the competitor, not each other! Great business families learn to discover and capitalize on everyone’s own unique talents. Some folks make great accountants and others great salespeople. Some are better leaders than managers. The best practice is to put people in the position that will best serve the company and play to their individual strengths. If you want to compete, get the monopoly board out, or go hit the tennis court. In business you need to learn to collaborate to beat your competitor.

Please enjoy this short 3 minute video and make a commitment to STOP COMPETING WITH YOUR SIBLINGS TODAY!

Waiting Room Hell – Family Business Succession

One of the most common frustrations in a family business can be the question of succession. When will it happen? How will the decision be made?

For next generation leaders it can be like being stuck in the waiting room from hell. No sign of when something is going to occur and in the meantime, you have this uneasiness that you might be wasting your time or fooling yourself that it is going to ever happen. In my case, at my 90 year old family business, I wasn’t sure either – is going to happen when my uncle is 75 and I am 55? I couldn’t see sitting in the waiting room for another 15 years.

Here’s a short 2 minute video:

I’d encourage those in the waiting room to watch. It includes the important 5 questions you need to ask your leader – the answers may help you decide how long you are willing to wait.

Good luck and keep getting stronger even if you have a long wait!

Coach Pete

Sometimes leaving the family business is the best answer

I see many family business participants struggling to find both personal and family peace. They get so enmeshed in their family history and dynamics all of which becomes almost like a straight jacket in which they cannot move or see new perspectives. One client recently made the tough decision  to call it quits and move on. I see that as a great step for him personally and his extended family.

Leaving the family business has been like taking off the straight-jacket. He is suddenly able to move about, breath more freely and get a sense of who he is without the family drama.

My hunch, as their family business coach is that this is the best thing that could have happen to this young man and the family. I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see him come back to the family business at some point. I know this much, he has already gained a greater sense of self worth and courage. He has found employment in a company he loves and is gaining invaluable experience. He is finding room in his heart to have a healthy relationship with his parents and I see a new smile in his eyes and heart.

If you want to get a deeper glimpse into my client’s situation here is a video interview. Please encourage fathers, mothers, sons and daughters to be open to the idea of venturing out – it can be one of the best things to ever happen.

Mehmet + Instanbul = Amazing!

Executive coaching is about helping business leaders see from a different perspective.  It reminds me a little bit of my tour guide Mehmet last month in Istanbul.

We were walking along the gardens between Topkapi Palacein the Blue Mosque and Mehmet told me to stop and turn around.  We had the most spectacular view of historic Istanbul overlooking the Bosphorus Strait.

It reminded me a little bit of the coaching journey I take with executives and family businessowners.  Like Mehmet I have been on many tours and usually know just the right place to ask people to stop and take a look.  Without him I would’ve walked right by that spot and missed an important vantage point.

I know it’s human nature to think we can figure it out ourselves, and many times we can.  But having Mehmet along made the process go simpler, quicker and more enjoyable.  I could have wandered around and seen many sites, but his expertise made the journey so much more fruitful.

And again like coaching, he turned me back out on my own in the city the second day but because of his guidance and experience, I was able to navigate with more confidence and ease.

I think I’m a tour guide for helping executives and family businesses have a more profitable and enjoyable journey.

 Thanks Mehmet!

Family Business Stories – Inc. Magazine

So many interesting family business stories!  I had the pleasure of sharing mine in Inc. Magazine: 

http://tinyurl.com/5ssuc6f

The unique feeling of being born into a family business-it’s hard to describe if you’ve never lived it

 I was in an initial meeting with a client last week when he began to share with me all the feelings and emotions wrapped around being born into a family business.  Before he got too far into the story I stopped him and said, “believe me– I know what you’re talking about.  I was born into a 50-year-old family business which eventually grew to the ripe old age of ninety!”

It’s hard to describe that feeling if you’ve never experienced it.  In most families, the family business becomes almost like the number one son or daughter the family is so proud of.  Everything and everybody else can feel a little bit jealous and envious of how much attention the family business gets.  The business becomes a center point of discussion at holidays, family events and the evening dinner table.  It takes on a life of its own.

As a youngster growing up, you inevitably begin to either dream of the day you’ll join the family business or you have a growing feeling of disdain for all the attention and focus it gets in your family. Both of those paths are loaded with land mines!

One of the things we work on in our family business coaching is to help families distinguish between three systems.  The family system, the management system, and the ownership system.  The problem is with most families, all of those systems get confused and lumped into one.

Healthy families know how to distinguish between the different systems.  They pay close attention to maintaining separate identities within each of the systems.  It’s important for a family to know who they are as a family without the identity of the family business.  One of the most common challenges I see is younger generations having a difficult time establishing their own identity, value system, and leadership voice having grown up inside the family business.

In my family, like many family businesses, the founder or current leader of the business casts a big shadow.  That shadow or legacy can be a source of pride or a source of anxiety for the up and comers in the business.  We work with the emerging leaders and give them tools to be able to sort out and develop their own unique talents and skills that can build on or complement the skills of their predecessors.

When young business people can begin to create their own distinct and healthy identities, both within the family business and within their own nuclear family, they are well on their way to being happier, productive business people.

Being born into a family business is a unique feeling.  It’s something that I can now be so proud of, but at earlier points in my life caused a certain amount of uncertainty and frustration.  I was fortunate enough to have many life experiences, and a strong and supportive family that allowed me to create an identity outside of the family business.

Be aware of how your family business might be impacting your family system.  Find resources and tools to allow your family to have open and productive dialogue to create strength and health within three systems.

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